Monday, March 26, 2007

-I tot I heard god singing this to me. =)-

| dew fought for sanity @ 9:24 PM| >> and the world kept spinning |

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-Two things I heard today-

| dew fought for sanity @ 8:16 PM| >> and the world kept spinning |

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-Spirit of god working in his life-

Been a bit more free at work recently after the recent server migration. :) So some time avaiable to read the "spam mails" campus have been dishing out. LOL. But don't know what I read lingpin's mail yesterday.

Something that inspire me today. :)
Some words from our brother Linping, Ask for his permission to share with you all. :) I think it will inspire lots of people.

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hey sim,

sorry for the late reply... been very very busy with
all knds of stuff.... work, church, band, my outside
band, my ministry....loads of stuff...

anyway,
well. my family is fairly disfuctional. i live
seperate from my father cos i needed the space and
freedom to grow. let me explain.

you see my father is a perfectionist kind of person.
whatever things he didnt have the chance to do or
felt he didnt do enough in, he would superimpose that
onto his family; his wife, and especially his
children. so
he would be really hard on us, demanding perfection
in everything we did. we had to do well in school, and
not just do well, we must like to study and to like to
do
well. so when we didnt always do that he would
get impatient with us and shout at us, scold us, and
beat
us, then do the same to my mum. we're talking about
punches and kicks and belts here.

between me and my elder brother, he beat me more
because my brother did better in school. i was
always the one who got it rough cos i would make it a
point
to resist and always try to do what i really wanted
to do, against his will for me. i wanted to do well in
the humanities, in music, and the arts. but he
wanted me to be great at everything, especially maths
and
science cos he wanted me to grow up and earn lots of
cash and be successfull and rich and influential;
all the things which i was opposed to even as a child
and even as a pagan.

so you can imagine i would take a lot of beatings,
developing a resilient, rebellious mindset, and
habouring a great and deep hatred towards my father.
i would endure great hardships and go the extra mile
to resist and to make sure i got what i wanted,
against
all odds. i was just waiting for the day when i would
exact revenge and see "justice" done. maybe i should
have become daredevil, or batman maybe.

my mother was a great woman. she would endure all
this and still love us. she didnt unload her burdens
on
us like many mothers would, and we had a great
relationship, though i didnt get to see her so
often. i avoided home all the time and would be in
school
always doing crazy things, studying, playing,
practising. so i was rarely at home, and would get
beatings because of that, but i would rather he beat
me, and i would take it "like a man", though i was
just a boy.

then in 1996, when i was in junior college, my mum
got
cancer of the uterus, had to go for chemotherapy and
all that. i had to take over the house then. i did
all the washing, cleaning, ironing, everything, after
school every day until i went to do national service
in 1998, when i would do the housework on weekends.
she recovered for a while, but got liver cancer in
2000, and died shortly after on the 28th of june. i
was still in the army then. theres more to 2000, but
thats another story.

at my mothers funeral, i had to take over the
responsibility of the funeral cos my dad and my
father were distraught and hopeless, and they just sat
there and couldnt do anything. so i spoke on behalf of

my family about my mum to those who were there at the
funeral, and bore this responsibility for them. i was
ashamed of them.

my mum had been baptised in another church. she
asked me to give her a christian name, and i called
her
Sarah, which means princess. i was happy she became a
christian, though in another church. myself, i was
going to a charismatic church at the time, called
city harvest church.

at that moment, in 2000, my time had come. i decided
that since my father had lost his wife, now i will
make him lose a son. i left home with everything i
had, and struck out on my own. i paid for everthing,
my university, my living expenses, myself. i did
everything myself, and i was always successful in
everything i did. i got the freedom to do anything i
wanted, though i really had to suffer a lot in order
to do that. its not something that i would want to
go through again, but its also something that i would
rather have gone through. as you can see, i became a
really tough nut to crack. i gave up going to
church, persecuted christians, and firmly believed
that
there is no such thing as a god. no way. success is
created by my own hands. or so i thought.

but slowly, as i had more time to think and wrestle
with my thoughts (think psalm 13), and through my
struggles in life, i started to think that maybe im
not in control all the time. too many variables. you
cant make someone love you. you cant make someone do
anything without their agreement. you cant make
everyone believe in you. so i was met by many many
christians from different sectors, ministries, even
different people from the campus ministry, over a
period of 2 years, and i didnt realise that they
were all from the same church. its as if god wouldnt
let
go of me. as if god would not give up until i would
repent and be baptised. talk about persistence.

soon after, my brother, who was staying with my
father all this while, decided to leave home as well.
i
helped him to move out IN FRONT of my father, and he
sat there not knowing what to do. after a while, he
decided that he would have nothing to do with this
family henceforth, and he refused any contact with
my father, and eventually me. i think he resented me
for leaving the house first and "abandoning" him to my
father. we havent talked for 4 years already. he also
didnt visit me when i was in hospital in the
intensive care unit after my accident in 2004. i dont
blame him.

well, now its the year 2007. ive been a christian
for 5 years now, and i thought about the things that
got
in my way as a christian. i think that unless i lead
a normal family life like everyone else, i will not be
able to move on in life, whether its my romantic
relationships, my spiritual life, my ministry, my
music, it will always be my stumbling block and the
thorn in my flesh. unless i overcome it, i cannot
move on, so i decided that its the right thing to do.
i
need to show the grace that was freely given to me.
he's getting old. he has changed quite a lot for the
better. and i think that i have punished him enough
already. i think its time to move on. god willing, i
will be anthony's neighbour in a few months.

and thats my longwinded story about my family. its
not even complete, but its a very very rough outline
of
what happened. its a story of hurt after hurt after
hurt. but one that i must love. and thats how i know
that god is a great god, father, and teacher. he gave
my hate so that i would know how to love. he gave me
suffering so i could endure the hardships of
discipleship. he took away everything so i could
gain everything. he thrust me into darkness so that i
could see light. our god is a great god.

you can read more on my super outdated blog but its my
blog nontheless. you will find a little more there
at guiltdrivenworkaholic@bogspot.com. forgive me if it
sounds a bit depressing, but it is the life that i
have led: depressing.

hope you know me better now....:) i hope that you can
learn the lessons that i have learnt the hard way.
it explains why i behave the way i do, it explains why
god will always have my unfailing loyalty, it
explains why i strive to serve the greatest king of
all, our
father in heaven.

love,
ling pin.
+65 97254846.

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Why did I post this here? Just felt like his life is so tough but his spirit is so commendable. :) I'm so amaze he share it so openly as well. Sent him an email back to encourage him. I feel that if he's so open to share with everyone he already overcome it.

Was so convicted by his life too. If he went through so much in his life and me not as much. (not self-pity.. i believe everyone is different) =) And he's so positive and fighting in his christian life, what right has I got not to fight. :)

So in a way, it motivate me to be postive and to change! to value what I have such as my friendship with christians and my group. :) I thought back to this verse and send him too. I think is one of my fav scripture. I quote it quite a lot.

2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Let's be grateful and continued to fight for god!

Love,
Dewey
(P.S if anyone is interested below is my email back to encourage him. :))

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Hi bro,
>
> Thanks for sharing with me this personal letter of
> your life. I think is really inspiring that you're
> so
> open about it. Ha, feel that I need to write
> something
> to encourage you about it. :)
>
> I think if you can share with everyone, you must
> have
> overcome a big part of it already. I think i'm don't
> go through so much but well, god has different plans
> for all of us. In a way, I'm sure he has great plans
> for you bro. Maybe mould you to be so strong a
> warrior
> for him. :)
>
> Be encourage bro, what can't break you make you
> tougher. You're an inspiration to me, keep on
> fighting. There's this verse that's one of my fav.
>
> 2 Corinthians 12:9
> But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
> for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore
> I
> will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
> so
> that Christ's power may rest on me.
>
> Do you think I can post this on my blog? I think it
> will inspire like SO many people. :)
>
> Love,
> Zhiwei

| dew fought for sanity @ 8:08 PM| >> and the world kept spinning |

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